A Tradition in Honor

Last summer I was questioned about a tradition that my husband upheld before he asked me to marry him. The tradition being that Reid informed my father of his intentions to ask me to marry him. Now the question I was asked was if I was offended and felt as though Reid asking my father for my hand in marriage made me feel like less of an independent person. This specific question has ran through my head from time to time and it usually get my heart racing and my blood pressure marching upward. Even now as I am writing my hands are shaking. I guess I feel that I need to address my true feelings about the tradition in question.

1. Questioning - There are many things in this world that need questioning, but the issue of a man informing his hopefully soon-to-be-bride's father of his intentions to marry his daughter is not one of those things.

2. Independence - I will never claim to be an independent person and I caution anyone who is trying to become or claims to be "independent". I am dependent. Dependence is how we are connected as God's people. I don't think we need reminding of what happended when Adam and Eve wanted their independence from God...do we? We can not move forward or grow as individuals if we do not rely on the support and guidance of others. As a person why would you want to take on the label of "independent" when all that really means is that you think you are fine to stand alone...which you can't, no one can.

3. Honor - When my father talks about the moment when Reid ask him if he could have his blessing to marry me, my father lights up. My father in that moment felt honored. He was also so excited that he knew Reid was going to ask me to marry him before anyone else...information that he kept topic secret even from my mother. I am so blessed to have a husband that wanted to honor my father in this special way.

4. Relationship - The tradition of asking for a daughter's hand in marriage goes way back and I believe that it started because daughters were connected to dowry's and in order for a man to ask a woman to marry him he had to get permission from her father. The tradition of that has continued, but the meaning behind it has changed. Today this tradtion is about a relationship between a father and his future son-in-law. Reid got to share an exciting beginning to another chapter in his life with my father, a moment neither one of them will soon forget. They did not talk about money or land, but instead talked about a promise that Reid wanted to make to me.

5. The final say - No matter who asked my father for my hand in marriage, I have the final say...plain and simple.

So to answer the above stated question: I am not offended by honor, respect and a strong relationship. Instead I am lifted up by my husband's gesture because when you honor my father, you honor me.